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  • Writer's pictureClare C. Chan

Be an observer of myself

Updated: May 27, 2023

In face of a constant changing and demanding world, mindfulness can provide us with a spiritual sanctuary, allow us to have a breathing space, which help us to understand our needs better, and make better decisions.

We are living in a world that is fast changing, full of enormously information, and also required us to respond in an instant manner. It is not uncommon that we are constantly bombarded by external stimuli and internal thoughts and emotions, leaving us sometime disorientated and confused about own self and make reckless reactions and decision, create relationship problems and feeling regretful and maybe even self-blamed afterwards.

Being a parent is a constant challenge of our capacity to contain negative emotions and respond in a wise way. Recently, I encountered some “parenting crisis” moments, I noticed the physiological reaction coming up inside my body, some heat was accumulating in my chest, my head’s temperature was increasing and it was starting to feel explosive. When I started to noticed this momental change inside myself, it helped me to step back and label this change as “anger”. Such internal observation and labelling of emotion actually helped me to step out from the “rocket of anger”, and reflected what happened, put myself into my kids’ perspective, which helped me to respond in a wiser way that facilitated better communication with my kids.

Sometimes, based on the need of client, I would incorporate mindfulness and self-compassion into psychotherapy. The effect of mindfulness training in psychotherapy can be life changing. I had a client who was suffered from mental illness and had impulse control issue. After practicing mindfulness for some sessions, he told me that being mindful of his emotions saved his life. He was having an intense argument and suddenly his suicidal urge appeared and was about to take action. It was at that critical moment that he started to aware of what was going on, realised his impulse of self-harming, and such realisation and awareness saved him from taking actual action to hurt himself. With the help of mindfulness practice and the deep exploration of psychotherapy, this client was able to better understand the root causes of his problems and his mental illness also significantly improved.

Mindfulness is not going to solve all of your problems, but it is a good way to start to understand yourself, befriend with yourself and enhance your well-being.



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